Archive | January, 2014

Back in the Swing

7 Jan

Yesterday was the dreaded first day back in the office from the festive break. As predicted the thought of it was worse than the reality. You can’t make a living from drinking tea, reading books, watching telly and when it absolutely can’t be avoided, walking the dog in the rain. Not unless you’re one of those fly bastards that outsources their day to day work to some PHD Graduate in Indonesia for a twentieth of their own salary.

I noticed my work clothes were a little bit snug to my festive plumpness when I was getting ready. Not a surprise I suppose. Zero activity + mucho sweeties + crisps n dips + cheese + a few fry ups + other assorted junk food + a little drinky or two = me filling out a bit. That’ll get sorted though. I’ve had a couple of runs so far, and half assed it through a game of fives last night. So that’s a start.

Back to the office. There were essentially two stories that came back from everyone 1) like me, very lazy. Long lies, with lots of food and drink and 2) Oh we never stopped with all the visiting. This is “rookie Christmassing” as far as I’m concerned. A full diary at Christmas time is to be avoided like the turkish delight left in the Thorntons chocolate box.

OK day 2. Here we go. Let’s do this.

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Online News: I just can’t read all about it

4 Jan

My internet routine is fairly typical I suspect. I log on to various newspapers websites and scroll to see what takes my fancy, and select a few articles to skim.  In my head it’s good to keep plugged in to what is going on, and doing this makes me feel like I am making an effort.  By CHRIST however, this routine has become an increasingly depressing exercise.

See today’s Independent newspaper.  Here is a selection of main stories:

  • Top Story: How did America react to Nigella’s career rehabilitation. – Oh away and shite.

More depressing, are these doozies.

  • Corrective Rape: South Africa’s shocking cure for lesbianism
  • India gang rape victim killed after being set on fire was pregnant

News being a mixture of ridiculous and the horrific is not a new notion.  However I’m finding my scroll through these websites absolutely pointless.  I have no urge to click on any of these stories, instead opting for a few pictures of who went into Big Brother. What? Oh fuck off.

I will however watch or listen with interest to a report on TV news or radio on these stories, but I find it impossible to get into something quite so depressing on the internet.  The other day Radio 4 had PJ Harvey guest editing The Today Programme.  It was excellent.  Much of it very heavy and deep.  I could just take it better in this medium.

I could lie and say I do all sorts of worthwhile shit online but that is just is not the case anymore.  If anything the worthwhiile to worthless balance has gotten completely out of kilter.  I’ll  still probably muddle through my pointless routine, to kid myself on. Overlooking the more hard to stomach stories, opting for the light relief instead.

Anyway, have you seen the dirty bitches in this years Big Brother.

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Parenting: If you don’t hate yourself, you’re not doing it right

3 Jan

We reflected yesterday that we were actually pretty good parents with number 1 son when he was younger, now 8. Parks, museums, clubs all that shit we did loads of it. This is worth stating as It certainly didn’t feel like it at the time. It actually felt like we were stumbling our way through a fog of inferiority and anxiety. Those sideways glances to the smug family of fuds folding away the same pram as Victoria Beckham into their shiny white people carrier made you feel pretty shitty as you zipped up and walked toward the bus stop.

The boy’s turning 9 soon and his little brother or sister is due July. Still worrying. Now I worry about how much Xbox he plays, and the age appropriateness of the games he plays. He seems to have a fear of getting off his arse and going outside into the sunlight. There’s a fair chance he is a vampire, but fuck it Vampires are cool just now right?

I don’t think I’ll ever get through the fog. I’ll never not worry about the choices I make as a parent, and I never want to be the type of dick that drives a people carrier.

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Green Tea’s for W@nkers

1 Jan

il_fullxfull.261360765January 1st 2014, 10.30pm and I’m drinking green tea.  What an absolute bag of balls this is.

The idea, well ideas, are many, all as semi-considered as the next. None of which, exactly thrilling me with anticipation.

The reason I’m doing this at all is because 2013 was a good year.  Not in a back slapping, smug c*nt, happy clappy kind of way. I don’t go in for achievement trumpeting.  All I’m saying is I’ve done things that I’m happy with, positive things and I’d quite like it if the universe didn’t just decide to kick me in the stones and say that’s quite enough of that for you.  I’d quite like it if this year, was more of the same really.  If it turns out to be even better then you just may find that I start looking up reviews for a good entry level achievement trumpet this time next year.  I know plenty of virtuosos of this instrument that I’m sure could point me in the right direction if need be.

Anyway, here is a list of things I’d like to do.   I’ll call them ‘well meant intentions’ as it carries the appropriate weight of personal self belief I attribute to them.  Resolutions is just not quite fitting.  You need to be resolute to go in for that shite.

1. Stop drinking for January.  Shite idea.  Green tea’s for wankers.

2. Write a blog post every day. Unlikely. I’m a green tea drinking wanker.  What have i got to write about.

3. Exercise more. Yawn.  Every lazy bastards words to themselves every first of the first.

4. Focus months.  Not really thought this one through but i’d like to make each month dedicated to making a proper start to all the bullshit things i’ve half heartedly taken a nation of over the years.   Language, musical instruments, hobbies that sort of thing.  I wouldn’t bank on this one sticking around but we’ll see how it goes.

5. Less television.  It’s 98% shite, shouldn’t be hard.

6. Read more.  Tied to No 5, another tired old whore of a resolution, flirting for a space on about 80% of these types of lists.  Slut.

7. Fall back in love with music.  I’m jaded to musics charms at the moment.  Nothing i have heard in a long while has made a lasting impact on me.  Definitely a case of ‘it’s not you, it’s me’.  Christ knows why music gave up on me.  This will happen.  It has to, it can, it will.

8. Think about the future. As open and ambiguous a statement you can make.  Almost zero specificity to it, rendering it pointless.  However there is a need to treat this as the most serious of all.  My second born will make an appearance in July, things are changing and I really should get on top of my shit.

I know there are things I am missing, this list will evolve as I almost certainly fail in some aspects but in other areas become more ambitious / delusional. Delete as appropriate.

x

PS  Number 1 will avert its eyes tomorrow as i meet a good friend to wet the baby’s head but that can’t be avoided.  It’s my best man’s first born for Christ sake.

 

 

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